The Beginning of 2020

In the beginning of  2020 I really hope a stroke of life of mine would change, 2019 has tought me a lot, it turns me to be more better and strong person as a human and girls. Life is not easy as we expect, for every challenges that i have been through a year before it is like slap me in the face and think more about what life itself, how I deal with people in terms of trust, attitude and understanding. People would said that Im stressed because of my study but I deny it because personally I was mentally retarded of people around me especially a person called boon companion.

10PM (30/12/19) 

Kota Kinabalu- I was back from my aunty houses with the hope that I can start to study in my room because my paper will start at 5/01/2020 so that I can study early and cover all the chapter, the rest of my time i can use it to cover my second paper chapters'. My expectation for this semester is so high, I know that I can perform this semester like the others, because this semester has a lot of assignment rather than previous semester, but isn't easy as I thought. There is so many ups and down this semester. A state of affairs where I have an issue with my groupmates, with my bestfriend that I consider more than just a bestfriends where becoming into hatred and strangers. People said "he is your bestfriend you cannot have that compete or contrast feeling to him" but not for me, maybe just because he always underestimate me with all the negative thought and words like I cannot perform as them, like Im too ugly, Im not a good person even he do not like me as in precom I was with him whenever he need, I feel happy to the max and safe with him by my side, even he is not feel as what i feel, he dont even consider me as what i consider him. He thought me just a friends. Friends are not care about loyalty but bestfriends value it highly.

12PM(30/12/2019)

Day by day he still blocked me and not even approach me since the last day of week 14. We have a crisis since he is one of my groupmates but our brawl has not done yet even until today, no clue or sign to be like before. I surrender! I have so much to think and problem in my head so i dont want to focus with one problem. I need to be professional and moving forward! ☺️